It’s only the first full week of the year, and already 2014 is abuzz with ego-stroking and early retirements. Read on for for the most brazen—and revealing—quotes from the past week.
Strong Case Against Meat Lovers
“I see no difference between eating animals and paedophilia. They are both rape, violence, murder.”
–Artist Morrissey, a longtime vegetarian, matter-of-factly comparing pedophilia to eating meat during a recent Q&A with fans.
London’s Mayor-Cum-Court Jester
“Nick Clegg is to serve a very important ceremonial function as David Cameron’s lapdog-cum-prophylactic protection device for all the difficult things that David Cameron has to do that cheese off the rest.”
–Mayor of London Boris Johnson eloquently calling U.K. Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg a condom on talk radio—before being forced to explain his insult.
How to Get the Dewy Look
“I slather myself with serums. […] The more moisturizers and serums you use, the better off you are. […] If I’m traveling that day, I’ll be sure to have my Yon-Ka Lotion with me, which is a spray. On a recent plane ride to L.A., I sprayed myself five times.”
–Martha Stewart, who at 72 looks undeniably fantastic, revealing her extremely moist skincare routine in a first-person account for the Times.
Shia’s Over It
“In light of the recent attacks against my artistic integrity, I am retiring from all public life. My love goes out to those who have supported me. #stopcreating”
–Former Disney star Shia Labeouf, tweeting his retirement after being embroiled in a plagiarism debacle with graphic novelist Daniel Clowes (and then plagiarizing his apology for plagiarizing)
A Possible Tina Fey Wardrobe Change at the Globes
“A challenge: $1,000 if both of you wear Amy Adams’ plunging blouse thing from American Hustle.
Fey: First of all, if you think my going rate for anything is $1,000 you are looking at an old catalog. I get at least $12,000 to dress up in sexual costumes for people. I would wear that for free. You would not have to pay me to wear that.”
–2014 Golden Globes co-host Tina Fey spilling her thoughts on wearing sexual costumes in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter.